Good morning everyone. This morning's tea is white Himalayan. It's best, if you want a stronger cup of tea, to use more leaves rather than to over-steep the leaves. Over-steeping causes bitterness in the tea. Though I don't really mind that so much in a white tea.
Nothing going on here today, just doing my best to recover from a psychotic episode three days ago. It's so difficult to deal with these attacks; the anxiety caused by it lasts for days afterward. I'm still feeling the effects of it. It brings up my agoraphobia again. I tried to walk to the park yesterday and just couldn't do it.
Days like this are becoming more frequent. I had a similar episode on the 6th of this month, and have been slowly building up to the bigger episode that occurred on the 26th. It is very frustrating, to say the least. It impedes my ability to think straight, and to function normally. I lose the ability to remember important things, or anything at all, really, and have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning.
My goal is to always to get out of bed before ten, which I did today. Just by fifteen minutes, but it's better than nothing. It sure feels good to write, even though there's not much to write about. Mostly, I just wish that these attacks would leave me alone. I don't know what I am going to do today, because my anxiety is so high.
Normally I take a walk to the park, but my effort yesterday precludes that today; I'm now too afraid to go. I feel paranoid, like someone is out to get me. I know it doesn't make any sense, but there it is. I am afraid of everyone and everything, except my husband of course. I wasn't always this way, and it's frustrating to think that I will always be like this. There isn't a known cure for schizoaffective disorder, and the prognosis isn't usually positive.
I hate to be such a downer on this otherwise positive blog, but that's just how I'm feeling today. I'm afraid to leave the house. We're supposed to be meeting with our landlady today at 2:30 to discuss doing some work for her. That's enough for one day; I hope I can remember all that she asks of us. My mind goes blank at an alarming rate.
It's like a loop that my brain goes through; I try to hold onto the memories as they slip away, and then the blank feeling comes and wipes my mind clean and it starts again. Very frustrating. I think I'll just have my smoothie and make the bed. Every little action helps.
Saturday, September 29, 2018
Friday, September 28, 2018
Loving the Unlovable
Two days ago I saw an article about the sentencing of Bill Cosby. While I find the whole matter to be unbearably sad, the worst part about it for me was hearing about the horde of protesters shouting outside the courthouse. I always feel sorry for criminals; they are still human beings and must have some deep ailment of the heart and mind to do such atrocious things as they have done.
Bill Cosby has already been dragged through the mud, and the mud isn't going anywhere. His reputation is shot through and his career is over. We should be feeling sadness, not anger. Sadness that this talented man, who portrayed such an upstanding character, is so sick in the head as to have hurt so many women. I am not angry with Bill Cosby. I'm just sad and feel betrayed.
I believe wholeheartedly that we should love our enemies and do good to those who hurt us. I'm not saying that Cosby's sentence should be lightened or that he should be above the law in any way. I simply feel that shouting angrily at the man is uncalled for and does nothing but fuel more negativity in our own hearts. Cosby has already been convicted. And now he has been sentenced. Originally he was going to be sentenced with 30 years in prison, but the judge condensed the counts into one and the final outcome is 10 years.
Bill Cosby is 81 years old. He probably doesn't have 10 years left, and will spend the rest of his life in jail, unless he lives to be 92. That should be enough to satisfy these rabid protesters. Justice has been done, there is nothing left to protest.
Instead we should be praying for him, and others like him such as Judge Brett Kavanaugh, that their hearts and minds be transformed and healed so that they stop hurting people and lying about it. There is no doubt in my mind that Kavanaugh is guilty. His behavior at the Senate committee hearing yesterday was a dead giveaway. He would not answer questions directly and kept turning questions back onto those asking the questions.
It hurts to admit that Bill Cosby is guilty. I maintained for a long time that he is innocent, mostly because I wanted to hang on to the image of the wholesome, friendly, father figure that he was. There is still a small part of me that thinks he may be innocent, but too many women have come forward to testify against him. It's just too many. It breaks my heart.
I am not convinced that every public figure who has been accused of sexual assault is guilty. I believe that there are women out there who want attention and money for being "victims," and are jumping on the #MeToo movement bandwagon. I don't want to believe that such a multitude of men are predators. I have never encountered any untoward sexual behavior from a man. I am concerned that this tide of accusations is doing harm to men in general, and putting too much power in the hands of women. I could go on about how I feel about feminism, but I've already written about that.
For now, my prayers will be with everyone involved in these cases, victims and perpetrators alike. For it is possible for anyone to be redeemed, no matter what they have done. And healing is possible for everyone. Love thy neighbor, even if he is a criminal.
Bill Cosby has already been dragged through the mud, and the mud isn't going anywhere. His reputation is shot through and his career is over. We should be feeling sadness, not anger. Sadness that this talented man, who portrayed such an upstanding character, is so sick in the head as to have hurt so many women. I am not angry with Bill Cosby. I'm just sad and feel betrayed.
I believe wholeheartedly that we should love our enemies and do good to those who hurt us. I'm not saying that Cosby's sentence should be lightened or that he should be above the law in any way. I simply feel that shouting angrily at the man is uncalled for and does nothing but fuel more negativity in our own hearts. Cosby has already been convicted. And now he has been sentenced. Originally he was going to be sentenced with 30 years in prison, but the judge condensed the counts into one and the final outcome is 10 years.
Bill Cosby is 81 years old. He probably doesn't have 10 years left, and will spend the rest of his life in jail, unless he lives to be 92. That should be enough to satisfy these rabid protesters. Justice has been done, there is nothing left to protest.
Instead we should be praying for him, and others like him such as Judge Brett Kavanaugh, that their hearts and minds be transformed and healed so that they stop hurting people and lying about it. There is no doubt in my mind that Kavanaugh is guilty. His behavior at the Senate committee hearing yesterday was a dead giveaway. He would not answer questions directly and kept turning questions back onto those asking the questions.
It hurts to admit that Bill Cosby is guilty. I maintained for a long time that he is innocent, mostly because I wanted to hang on to the image of the wholesome, friendly, father figure that he was. There is still a small part of me that thinks he may be innocent, but too many women have come forward to testify against him. It's just too many. It breaks my heart.
I am not convinced that every public figure who has been accused of sexual assault is guilty. I believe that there are women out there who want attention and money for being "victims," and are jumping on the #MeToo movement bandwagon. I don't want to believe that such a multitude of men are predators. I have never encountered any untoward sexual behavior from a man. I am concerned that this tide of accusations is doing harm to men in general, and putting too much power in the hands of women. I could go on about how I feel about feminism, but I've already written about that.
For now, my prayers will be with everyone involved in these cases, victims and perpetrators alike. For it is possible for anyone to be redeemed, no matter what they have done. And healing is possible for everyone. Love thy neighbor, even if he is a criminal.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Hopeful
Good morning, everyone. I don't have much to write about today, but I wanted to report some positive news from the weather forecast: rain! Rain is expected next Monday the 1st. And we have partly cloudy days every day this week. I have been praying, "Clouds gather round from far and near; angels kindly shed your tears."
It looks like the clouds are gathering round, and I am being heard. Finally. We desperately need the rain. I have not just been praying for rain for us but for the areas in the state that are under siege by wildfire. I have put the whole state of California under this prayer.
I do a walking meditation on this prayer almost every day. I feel that prayer is my mission in life, to pray for the whole world and its needs. There must be some people to accomplish this while everyone else goes out into the world to get things done. There are groups of nuns who don't go anywhere, but who pray for everyone outside their cloister. I am not cloistered, but my disability prevents me from having an outside job, and so I use my time to pray as well.
Once again, today's tea is Assam. I have the most of this tea, I am running out of my green tea. I feel like Assam tea is one for a state of relaxed alertness, perfect for deep prayer and contemplation. There were supposed to be clouds today; I don't see any. I am sick to death of seeing the sun. Hopefully this rain forecast will come true, despite the odds. I am hopeful.
It looks like the clouds are gathering round, and I am being heard. Finally. We desperately need the rain. I have not just been praying for rain for us but for the areas in the state that are under siege by wildfire. I have put the whole state of California under this prayer.
I do a walking meditation on this prayer almost every day. I feel that prayer is my mission in life, to pray for the whole world and its needs. There must be some people to accomplish this while everyone else goes out into the world to get things done. There are groups of nuns who don't go anywhere, but who pray for everyone outside their cloister. I am not cloistered, but my disability prevents me from having an outside job, and so I use my time to pray as well.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Brown Should Still Be the New Green
Last night was the full moon. It was so beautiful, my husband and I drove up to the hills to watch the moonrise. September's moon is known as the Harvest Moon. It is a time of thanksgiving and enjoying the harvest. I cooked up some sweet potatoes and turkey for dinner, just like the traditional Thanksgiving but a lot more informal. I didn't cook a whole turkey, just some ground turkey, but it still counts.
It's another beautiful overcast morning. The sun is just now peeking through the clouds, but the clouds still reign for now. I wish so much that it would rain, we are in a severe drought. The governor foolishly announced last year that the drought is over, after a few winter rains, and so now people are not encouraged to save water like they were previously.
Fountains have turned back on, lawns are being watered again, brown is no longer the new green. According to the U.S. Drought Monitor, our part of the state is only in the "abnormally dry" category, not even "moderate drought." I'm no expert, but I would disagree with this assessment. I can't even remember the last time we had rain. The Central Valley is listed as being in "moderate drought." Well that at least makes sense.
Two days ago my husband and I went to a natural spring in Stanislaus County called Adobe Springs. We filled up a big jug of water to give to his parents. That water tasted so clean and fresh, it was amazing. There is a bottled water company that uses Adobe Springs as its source, though I can't remember the name of the company. I was amazed that this spring is still flowing, I wonder where it comes from. The water is high in magnesium.
.Today's tea is lemon verbena and peppermint, mixed with a little gunpowder green for a pick-me-up. Lemon verbena and peppermint are calming, cleansing herbs, and I am in great need of cleansing, spiritually and mentally. The waning moon is a time to banish all that's unpleasant, unwelcome, and unhelpful. I plan on banishing negativity, fear, and the drought. As if I had any control over it! But it's worth a try. I've said my prayer to bring rain for a week now, and now it's time to focus my energies on getting rid of the drought.
If only these morning clouds were pregnant with rain. I feel they are just teasing me. We are still saving water in this household, I don't care what the governor says. In November, we will have a new governor anyhow. Hopefully he will reinstate the drought guidelines for us. Brown should still be the new green.
It's another beautiful overcast morning. The sun is just now peeking through the clouds, but the clouds still reign for now. I wish so much that it would rain, we are in a severe drought. The governor foolishly announced last year that the drought is over, after a few winter rains, and so now people are not encouraged to save water like they were previously.
Fountains have turned back on, lawns are being watered again, brown is no longer the new green. According to the U.S. Drought Monitor, our part of the state is only in the "abnormally dry" category, not even "moderate drought." I'm no expert, but I would disagree with this assessment. I can't even remember the last time we had rain. The Central Valley is listed as being in "moderate drought." Well that at least makes sense.
Two days ago my husband and I went to a natural spring in Stanislaus County called Adobe Springs. We filled up a big jug of water to give to his parents. That water tasted so clean and fresh, it was amazing. There is a bottled water company that uses Adobe Springs as its source, though I can't remember the name of the company. I was amazed that this spring is still flowing, I wonder where it comes from. The water is high in magnesium.
.Today's tea is lemon verbena and peppermint, mixed with a little gunpowder green for a pick-me-up. Lemon verbena and peppermint are calming, cleansing herbs, and I am in great need of cleansing, spiritually and mentally. The waning moon is a time to banish all that's unpleasant, unwelcome, and unhelpful. I plan on banishing negativity, fear, and the drought. As if I had any control over it! But it's worth a try. I've said my prayer to bring rain for a week now, and now it's time to focus my energies on getting rid of the drought.
If only these morning clouds were pregnant with rain. I feel they are just teasing me. We are still saving water in this household, I don't care what the governor says. In November, we will have a new governor anyhow. Hopefully he will reinstate the drought guidelines for us. Brown should still be the new green.
Monday, September 24, 2018
Depression
Tonight is a full moon. What an eventful week so far; first the equinox, the first day of autumn, and now a full moon. I always feel so comforted by a full moon. None of the traditional folklore about things going awry on a full moon bothers me. I feel it's the opposite- things are in full bloom, in harmony, at their peak during the full moon. I do believe that the moon's phases have an effect on us, as the moon affects the tides, so it affects our emotions.
I want to talk today about depression. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder, which is characterized by a combination of psychosis and a mood disorder, either bipolar or major depression. In my case, it is major depression. I find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning, and I have lost interest in things I once loved, like singing. And my writing has lost its creative edge.
I do not have health insurance, so I am self-treating my depression with herbs and exercise. I take 150 mg of St. John's Wort everyday, as well as 30 drops of Ashwagandha tincture. And I walk three miles every day. So far, while it has by no means cured my depression, this triple treatment has made it manageable. I honestly don't feel that the doctor's treatment worked any better.
I have skimmed through the book, The Depression Cure by Stephen S. Ilardi. He advocates six steps to cure depression: Omega-3 fatty acids, engaging activity, physical exercise, sunlight exposure, social connection and enhanced sleep. I would recommend these steps to anyone suffering depression. I did not try all six of these steps, but I am trying the ones I can manage and I am pleased with the results. I get omega-3's every day from food. I don't have an engaging activity, but I get sunlight and exercise. There's no way for me to get much of a social connection where I live but I do text my friends and that's enough for me.
I also believe that drinking tea helps with depression and the anxiety that comes with it. Tea contains the amino acid l-theanine, which is said to reduce anxiety and create a feeling of relaxed alertness. I drink at least 24 oz. of tea a day, which isn't really enough to get a therapeutic amount of l-theanine, but I believe some is better than none.
The ritual of tea, I believe, also helps. Today is my third day in a row drinking a nice, bold Assam. As Cowper said, tea is "the cup that cheers but not inebriates." I find it to be a welcome addition to my bag of tricks in fighting depression, and I recommend it to everyone.
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Harvest Equinox
Today we celebrate the Autumnal Equinox. Day and night are equal in length. It's a day to focus on balance and thanksgiving. In fact, I propose that we celebrate a sort of thanksgiving today instead of in November, when the rest of the country is celebrating a holiday that, essentially, celebrates one culture mowing down another.
My husband and I call Thanksgiving, thanksTaking, because that's exactly what the white settlers did. They took and took and took from the Native Americans until there was practically nothing left. We have not celebrated the traditional American Thanksgiving for a few years now. I know that there are Native ceremonies held on Thanksgiving to commemorate the peoples who were here first, and their contribution to the well-being of the settlers who took their land, in contrast to the tradtional American Thanksgiving feast.
Pagans celebrate today as a harvest festival called Mabon. All I know is that Mabon is a Welsh deity, not exactly sure what he represents, but I like the idea of celebrating the harvest today. I don't have much in the way of a feast prepared, but the foods I do have are the three sisters: corn, beans and squash. And sweet potatoes. It wasn't intentional, just a nice coincidence.
My husband and I are getting a late start today. This is his one day off. I don't have any plans, just waiting for him to wake up and see what this equinox day brings. Today's tea is assam. I figured a good, bold black tea is just right for today. Happy harvest!
My husband and I call Thanksgiving, thanksTaking, because that's exactly what the white settlers did. They took and took and took from the Native Americans until there was practically nothing left. We have not celebrated the traditional American Thanksgiving for a few years now. I know that there are Native ceremonies held on Thanksgiving to commemorate the peoples who were here first, and their contribution to the well-being of the settlers who took their land, in contrast to the tradtional American Thanksgiving feast.
Pagans celebrate today as a harvest festival called Mabon. All I know is that Mabon is a Welsh deity, not exactly sure what he represents, but I like the idea of celebrating the harvest today. I don't have much in the way of a feast prepared, but the foods I do have are the three sisters: corn, beans and squash. And sweet potatoes. It wasn't intentional, just a nice coincidence.
My husband and I are getting a late start today. This is his one day off. I don't have any plans, just waiting for him to wake up and see what this equinox day brings. Today's tea is assam. I figured a good, bold black tea is just right for today. Happy harvest!
Saturday, September 22, 2018
On Celibacy
I woke up even earlier today than yesterday, and as a reward, I get an overcast morning. What another blessing. No tea as of yet this morning; I am finishing my husband's coffee. I don't mind that it's cold, in fact I prefer that it is. Hot coffee tastes like burnt dirt.
I am frustrated that I don't see this blog pop up when I perform a Google search for it. I have the settings arranged so that this blog is visible on Blogger and on search engines. I type the exact title of the blog yet I get all kinds of blogs that don't have the exact words in the title. I don't know how to rectify this.
My initial goal for this blog was to encourage people with the little blessings in life and publish my opinions on topics various and sundry. I suppose I have succeeded in this, even though my blog doesn't pop up for people to read. I have only ever received one comment. I wonder how she found this blog.
I am determined to continue writing, however, and hope and pray that somehow, people will stumble across this blog.
I initially wanted to write today about the recent sexual abuse scandal within the Catholic Church. I have not read too much about it; it's too unpleasant; I've only heard what my priest has told us. What I know is this: some people have suggested that celibacy is to blame. This is not the case. Satan is to blame. Celibacy is holy and right for priests. The priest marries the church, just as Christ did. Satan would love nothing more than to ruin this holy calling by doing away with celibacy. Allowing priests to marry will not end sexual abuse. There have been cases of sexual abuse and misconduct among married people as well. In fact, almost all the abuse I know of in my own circle has been by married people.
I know that Satan attacks the church at an alarming rate, particularly her priests, because it IS the one true church of Jesus. So when you see scandals and problems like this, it is not because there is something wrong with Catholicism. It's because it's right. Why would the devil bother to bother Christians who aren't doing the right thing? He already has them. No, he pesters and tempts those who are on the best path. That other Christians don't see this is baffling to me.
Then again, one of the "Christians" who made the suggestion to me that we do away with celibacy also, at another time, expressed his disbelief that I still even believe in the devil. So there you have it. There was a lot of questionable theology floating around my university, some of it even being officially taught.
Here comes the sun. Oh, when will we ever have a fully cloudy day? My prayer for rain remains unanswered but I will not give up. Today's tea is a strong, bold Assam. Good for a semi-cloudy morning.
I am frustrated that I don't see this blog pop up when I perform a Google search for it. I have the settings arranged so that this blog is visible on Blogger and on search engines. I type the exact title of the blog yet I get all kinds of blogs that don't have the exact words in the title. I don't know how to rectify this.
My initial goal for this blog was to encourage people with the little blessings in life and publish my opinions on topics various and sundry. I suppose I have succeeded in this, even though my blog doesn't pop up for people to read. I have only ever received one comment. I wonder how she found this blog.
I am determined to continue writing, however, and hope and pray that somehow, people will stumble across this blog.
I initially wanted to write today about the recent sexual abuse scandal within the Catholic Church. I have not read too much about it; it's too unpleasant; I've only heard what my priest has told us. What I know is this: some people have suggested that celibacy is to blame. This is not the case. Satan is to blame. Celibacy is holy and right for priests. The priest marries the church, just as Christ did. Satan would love nothing more than to ruin this holy calling by doing away with celibacy. Allowing priests to marry will not end sexual abuse. There have been cases of sexual abuse and misconduct among married people as well. In fact, almost all the abuse I know of in my own circle has been by married people.
I know that Satan attacks the church at an alarming rate, particularly her priests, because it IS the one true church of Jesus. So when you see scandals and problems like this, it is not because there is something wrong with Catholicism. It's because it's right. Why would the devil bother to bother Christians who aren't doing the right thing? He already has them. No, he pesters and tempts those who are on the best path. That other Christians don't see this is baffling to me.
Then again, one of the "Christians" who made the suggestion to me that we do away with celibacy also, at another time, expressed his disbelief that I still even believe in the devil. So there you have it. There was a lot of questionable theology floating around my university, some of it even being officially taught.
Here comes the sun. Oh, when will we ever have a fully cloudy day? My prayer for rain remains unanswered but I will not give up. Today's tea is a strong, bold Assam. Good for a semi-cloudy morning.
Friday, September 21, 2018
Is Anybody Out There?
Is anybody out there?
Does anyone care?
Do we have a heart for those lost out there?
Is there enough to go around?
Is there a smile for the ones who are down?
Down and out, but not alone.
There is the One who abides with those.
A wind in the trees, sun burning sky.
Beating down on a weathered face.
Holding a sign by the side of the road,
Is anybody out there?
Does anyone care?
Do we have a heart for those lost out there?
Does anyone care?
Do we have a heart for those lost out there?
Is there enough to go around?
Is there a smile for the ones who are down?
Down and out, but not alone.
There is the One who abides with those.
A wind in the trees, sun burning sky.
Beating down on a weathered face.
Holding a sign by the side of the road,
Is anybody out there?
Does anyone care?
Do we have a heart for those lost out there?
Good Morning
Good morning everyone. This morning I got up 40 minutes earlier than my usual late time. It really has made a difference in my outlook and I feel like I have more energy. I have said my morning prayers and made my morning tea, and still have quite a bit of the morning left. Today's tea is Himalayan white. I wish I knew which country it came from, Nepal or India. I always like to know as much as I can about my tea.
My prayer for rain has not yet been answered; there's not a cloud in the sky. I won't give up, though, because we desperately need it. Today will be a quiet day, just laundry to be done. A rather large load, to be exact, but only one. I also need to walk to the store for a few things. But I just wanted to quickly write about what a good morning it is, having beaten my sleeping-in demons.
Every night for the past few weeks I've been telling myself, "you have to get up earlier. You have to get up earlier." Finally, after all this time, I have done it. Laying in bed until ten o'clock doesn't solve my problems. It makes me feel more depressed in the long run and limits the amount of time I have to do things before my husband comes home, so I end up rushing through them at the last minute. It takes me a couple hours to really get going.
I wasn't always like this. In fact, up until this year, I rarely slept past 8:30. I would "get depressed" if I stayed in bed longer than that. These days, I don't actually sleep until ten. I just lay there like a bum. I usually wake up between 7:30 and 8:00, and then lay there for two hours. I have major depression, and the morning is when I feel it the most. I have flip-flopped. I used to be a morning person, and now I am a night owl. I feel most awake and alive at night.
I used to have intolerable insomnia, and staying in bed late would exacerbate it. Now, my insomnia is basically gone, but my energy level in the morning is lower. It doesn't really make any sense, because I'm getting enough sleep. I suppose it won't do to over-analyze things. I should just be grateful that I'm sleeping well for the first time in many years.
With that gratitude, I wish you all a good morning and a blessed day.
My prayer for rain has not yet been answered; there's not a cloud in the sky. I won't give up, though, because we desperately need it. Today will be a quiet day, just laundry to be done. A rather large load, to be exact, but only one. I also need to walk to the store for a few things. But I just wanted to quickly write about what a good morning it is, having beaten my sleeping-in demons.
Every night for the past few weeks I've been telling myself, "you have to get up earlier. You have to get up earlier." Finally, after all this time, I have done it. Laying in bed until ten o'clock doesn't solve my problems. It makes me feel more depressed in the long run and limits the amount of time I have to do things before my husband comes home, so I end up rushing through them at the last minute. It takes me a couple hours to really get going.
I wasn't always like this. In fact, up until this year, I rarely slept past 8:30. I would "get depressed" if I stayed in bed longer than that. These days, I don't actually sleep until ten. I just lay there like a bum. I usually wake up between 7:30 and 8:00, and then lay there for two hours. I have major depression, and the morning is when I feel it the most. I have flip-flopped. I used to be a morning person, and now I am a night owl. I feel most awake and alive at night.
I used to have intolerable insomnia, and staying in bed late would exacerbate it. Now, my insomnia is basically gone, but my energy level in the morning is lower. It doesn't really make any sense, because I'm getting enough sleep. I suppose it won't do to over-analyze things. I should just be grateful that I'm sleeping well for the first time in many years.
With that gratitude, I wish you all a good morning and a blessed day.
Thursday, September 20, 2018
A Prayer for Rain
We need rain. It's as simple as that. The state of California is on fire, and there is no rain in sight as far as the forecast can see. We hardly even have any clouds on the horizon; the forecast is nothing but sun for days. We desperately need rain.
I have a prayer for rain that I would like to share.
Angels' tears fall from the sky
Cometh forth and wet the dry
Send down your tears so sacred and true
Fall down I pray to you
Feed the earth and plants that thirst
I call now, solemn and true
Water the earth and make anew
Sweet angels send down your tears to thine
and make the streams flow as wine
Answer me, answer me, answer this single prayer.
When I was a little girl, and had been particularly naughty, my grandmother would tell me that the rain was the angels crying because of me. We also said that a thunderstorm was the angels bowling, and lightning struck when they got a strike. I miss those days. We had occasional rain in the summer back then, nice warm rain. Nowadays we barely get rain in the spring and fall, when we should. I pray that a rainy miracle will come through for us.
I have a prayer for rain that I would like to share.
Angels' tears fall from the sky
Cometh forth and wet the dry
Send down your tears so sacred and true
Fall down I pray to you
Feed the earth and plants that thirst
I call now, solemn and true
Water the earth and make anew
Sweet angels send down your tears to thine
and make the streams flow as wine
Answer me, answer me, answer this single prayer.
When I was a little girl, and had been particularly naughty, my grandmother would tell me that the rain was the angels crying because of me. We also said that a thunderstorm was the angels bowling, and lightning struck when they got a strike. I miss those days. We had occasional rain in the summer back then, nice warm rain. Nowadays we barely get rain in the spring and fall, when we should. I pray that a rainy miracle will come through for us.
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Magical Tea
There is nothing like a cup of tea in the morning to comfort and cheer you. Today's tea is hojicha, a roasted green tea. I'm using the same teabags as last night; my husband and I drank this tea last night after dinner. No sense in wasting them, this particular brand (YamaMotoYama) works well for second steepings. There are three "tea times" in my day:
Morning, as soon as I get up, before I eat.
Afternoon, around 2 or 3pm, before I take a run.
Evening, after dinner.
Sometimes I'll have a second morning cup of tea or tea with lunch as well, but that's less set in stone. There's just something magical about tea. I'm referring to camellia sinensis, the actual tea plant, not herbal teas, or tisanes. I do drink tisanes occasionally, particularly when I am ill or can't sleep. But most of the time I drink proper tea: green, white or black. I currently have these green teas: gunpowder, rose gunpowder, jasmine, hojicha. I currently have only Himalayan white. And I have three black teas, Earl Grey, chai (unsure of the type of black tea used) and assam. I am running out of all three; I'll have to replenish my stocks soon.
I make note of which teas I drink and my mood before and after I drink it, in a tea log. I mark down approximately how much L-theanine (an amino acid linked to reducing stress) is in each cup. For green teas, it's about 10 mg per 8 oz. cup. Black teas have a larger amount, about 30 mg. I am unsure of the amount in white tea. Oolong has about 18 mg per cup. I would have to drink an absurd amount of tea (12 cups or more) to get a truly therapeutic level of L-theanine, but I make note of it just the same.
I believe that tea, regardless of the polyphenols and antioxidants, has a special power to soothe and rejuvenate. I don't know if it's just the action of taking tea, or something in the brew or the taste, but it's truly special. I just wish I had someone to share it with. Drinking tea alone is magical, but the magic is doubled when you share it.
Morning, as soon as I get up, before I eat.
Afternoon, around 2 or 3pm, before I take a run.
Evening, after dinner.
Sometimes I'll have a second morning cup of tea or tea with lunch as well, but that's less set in stone. There's just something magical about tea. I'm referring to camellia sinensis, the actual tea plant, not herbal teas, or tisanes. I do drink tisanes occasionally, particularly when I am ill or can't sleep. But most of the time I drink proper tea: green, white or black. I currently have these green teas: gunpowder, rose gunpowder, jasmine, hojicha. I currently have only Himalayan white. And I have three black teas, Earl Grey, chai (unsure of the type of black tea used) and assam. I am running out of all three; I'll have to replenish my stocks soon.
I make note of which teas I drink and my mood before and after I drink it, in a tea log. I mark down approximately how much L-theanine (an amino acid linked to reducing stress) is in each cup. For green teas, it's about 10 mg per 8 oz. cup. Black teas have a larger amount, about 30 mg. I am unsure of the amount in white tea. Oolong has about 18 mg per cup. I would have to drink an absurd amount of tea (12 cups or more) to get a truly therapeutic level of L-theanine, but I make note of it just the same.
I believe that tea, regardless of the polyphenols and antioxidants, has a special power to soothe and rejuvenate. I don't know if it's just the action of taking tea, or something in the brew or the taste, but it's truly special. I just wish I had someone to share it with. Drinking tea alone is magical, but the magic is doubled when you share it.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Little Blessings
Just as I posted yesterday about our Indian summer, I was secretly hoping for a cloudy day. And here it is, we have an overcast morning. My prayers have been answered. I fully expect the clouds to burn off in time, as they always do, but I am appreciative of the cloud cover for the time being.
Today's tea is dandelion leaf. Dandelion leaf is said to be good for healing, purification and defeating negativity. I certainly could use all three of those! Particularly the defeating of negativity. Don't ask me how it works, it just does. I believe it does, anyway.
I just wanted to meditate on the little blessings that God bestows on us each day, for us all. Today's blessing comes in the form of clouds, but it could be anything. Any little thing that winks at you during the day, saying "cheer up, God loves you." It could be a falling leaf, the smile of a child, a random act of kindness.
I don't have much to fill my days lately, since I am working on healing at home and no longer work outside the home. So for me, just this little blessing of clouds lifts my spirit. I don't have to far to go today, just to the corner store, and I hope to bring a smile to the face of the cashier with my presence. She often wears a frown.
We can each be a little blessing to someone today, just with our smile and presence. It doesn't have to take much.
Today's tea is dandelion leaf. Dandelion leaf is said to be good for healing, purification and defeating negativity. I certainly could use all three of those! Particularly the defeating of negativity. Don't ask me how it works, it just does. I believe it does, anyway.
I just wanted to meditate on the little blessings that God bestows on us each day, for us all. Today's blessing comes in the form of clouds, but it could be anything. Any little thing that winks at you during the day, saying "cheer up, God loves you." It could be a falling leaf, the smile of a child, a random act of kindness.
I don't have much to fill my days lately, since I am working on healing at home and no longer work outside the home. So for me, just this little blessing of clouds lifts my spirit. I don't have to far to go today, just to the corner store, and I hope to bring a smile to the face of the cashier with my presence. She often wears a frown.
We can each be a little blessing to someone today, just with our smile and presence. It doesn't have to take much.
Monday, September 17, 2018
Indian Summer
Here we are again with an Indian summer. An Indian summer is an unseasonably warm and dry period in spring or autumn (usually autumn). I recently did some research into where that term comes from, and it goes all the way back to the year 1851, mentioned in a letter, in French. It is possible that the usage came about due to the warm and hazy conditions in autumn during which the Native Americans would hunt.
Technically, we have five more days of actual summer, as the first day of autumn is the 22nd. But I predict an Indian summer, because these September days have been warmer than the whole of our summer put together. This happened last year too, with conditions fueling the wildfires that stretch across the state. Wildfire season started early this year, and, unfortunately, I think there are more fires than in years past. Thanks a lot, greenhouse gases.
I have written extensively about my love for autumn, and sadly, I don't think we're going to get much of one. It seems that in the Bay Area, we get one long spring during part of winter, spring and summer, a short summer in autumn and one brief autumn in winter. Three seasons, out of whack. And not enough rain.
I wish I could say I love the deep blue skies of September. I really don't. This morning we had some little cloud cover but it is quickly blowing away into nothing. It's true that the sky seems bluer in September than in other months. Well, except maybe February. I wonder what phenomenon causes that appearance. Or maybe it is an illusion.
Today's tea is Himalayan White. It was rather bland this morning as it is a second steeping, left over from yesterday. Sometimes the Himalayan White does well with a second steeping, but not today. I'm trying to think of a good fall tea, and all I can think of is chai. I have a little chai left, maybe I'll use it to celebrate the first day of autumn.
I checked the weather forecast, and it's nothing but sun for the next week. This is why I don't appreciate the blue skies- it's all we get, no variation. Today and tomorrow we are only partly cloudy, and then that's it for the next six days. I wish I had control of the weather. If I had my way, we'd be cloudy every day and rainy every other. Not a heavy rain, just a nice drizzle. Pitter, patter. Someday.
Technically, we have five more days of actual summer, as the first day of autumn is the 22nd. But I predict an Indian summer, because these September days have been warmer than the whole of our summer put together. This happened last year too, with conditions fueling the wildfires that stretch across the state. Wildfire season started early this year, and, unfortunately, I think there are more fires than in years past. Thanks a lot, greenhouse gases.
I have written extensively about my love for autumn, and sadly, I don't think we're going to get much of one. It seems that in the Bay Area, we get one long spring during part of winter, spring and summer, a short summer in autumn and one brief autumn in winter. Three seasons, out of whack. And not enough rain.
I wish I could say I love the deep blue skies of September. I really don't. This morning we had some little cloud cover but it is quickly blowing away into nothing. It's true that the sky seems bluer in September than in other months. Well, except maybe February. I wonder what phenomenon causes that appearance. Or maybe it is an illusion.
Today's tea is Himalayan White. It was rather bland this morning as it is a second steeping, left over from yesterday. Sometimes the Himalayan White does well with a second steeping, but not today. I'm trying to think of a good fall tea, and all I can think of is chai. I have a little chai left, maybe I'll use it to celebrate the first day of autumn.
I checked the weather forecast, and it's nothing but sun for the next week. This is why I don't appreciate the blue skies- it's all we get, no variation. Today and tomorrow we are only partly cloudy, and then that's it for the next six days. I wish I had control of the weather. If I had my way, we'd be cloudy every day and rainy every other. Not a heavy rain, just a nice drizzle. Pitter, patter. Someday.
Thursday, September 13, 2018
Gratitude
There is so much to be grateful for in life. How many of us really take the time to count all our blessings, take a deep breath and really see what we have? Even if it's not much, it's still everything.
I am grateful for my dear husband. He works long hours to support us and I know he is tired. God gives him the strength to carry on and I am grateful for that, too. I am grateful for his attentive care.
I am grateful for the food I have to eat, provided by my husband. It's not fancy, and we sometimes have to go to the community food pantry to supplement what we have, but it's enough. I'm grateful for the existence of the food pantry.
I am grateful for my home. It too is not fancy, but I wouldn't want it to be. I live in a motorhome, and it suits our needs just fine. I am grateful that we have a space to put our motorhome and that there is a beautiful park close by where I can walk and enjoy nature.
I am grateful for my family. The three closest members of my family have all passed away, and I am grateful for the few I have left. I don't see them very often, but they are there for me.
I am grateful for my friends. They have stuck by me through the worst of my mental health crises, and they continue to care for me. Even if it's just a hello text, I am grateful for that. I don't see them very often, either, but they are just a phone call away.
I am grateful that I live in a part of the country that does not see extreme weather. We don't have floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, or blizzards. There are wildfires not too far from us, but I am grateful that they have never come too near. Where I am, it is neither too hot nor too cold. What a blessing.
What are you grateful for?
I am grateful for my dear husband. He works long hours to support us and I know he is tired. God gives him the strength to carry on and I am grateful for that, too. I am grateful for his attentive care.
I am grateful for the food I have to eat, provided by my husband. It's not fancy, and we sometimes have to go to the community food pantry to supplement what we have, but it's enough. I'm grateful for the existence of the food pantry.
I am grateful for my home. It too is not fancy, but I wouldn't want it to be. I live in a motorhome, and it suits our needs just fine. I am grateful that we have a space to put our motorhome and that there is a beautiful park close by where I can walk and enjoy nature.
I am grateful for my family. The three closest members of my family have all passed away, and I am grateful for the few I have left. I don't see them very often, but they are there for me.
I am grateful for my friends. They have stuck by me through the worst of my mental health crises, and they continue to care for me. Even if it's just a hello text, I am grateful for that. I don't see them very often, either, but they are just a phone call away.
I am grateful that I live in a part of the country that does not see extreme weather. We don't have floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, or blizzards. There are wildfires not too far from us, but I am grateful that they have never come too near. Where I am, it is neither too hot nor too cold. What a blessing.
What are you grateful for?
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Mental Health
I haven't written much about my personal life on this blog, and truthfully it's been a stressful year. I've been having mental health issues since the spring of 2016. Then, one year ago, I began having hallucinations and had a total mental breakdown. You wouldn't believe the things I have seen, or thought I've seen. I've been in and out of mental hospitals, most recently in late February and early March.
I have been given various diagnoses, ranging from bipolar disorder to major depression with psychosis. The bipolar diagnosis didn't sit well with me, as I only had anxiety attacks and insomnia as a result of taking Prozac, not a full blown mania. I have done a bit of my own research into my symptoms and found that there is a disorder that matches what I'm going through. The doctor who said I have major depression with psychosis should have diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, because that's exactly what it is.
Schizoaffective disorder comprises hallucinations, delusions, disorganized communication and a mood disorder, either bipolar or major depression. That's me. I have schizoaffective disorder, and I'm disappointed that no doctor diagnosed me as such. But regardless, it's nice to have a name for what I've been through. The medications I was put on are basically the same as those for schizoaffective disorder. I'm nearly out of my last medication, I was put on Zoloft, Seroquel, Clonopin, and Zyprexa, and all I have left is the Zyprexa. I no longer have health insurance, so when I run out, I will have no way to get a prescription.
But knowing that I have a real disorder is such a help. I can put a name to it and do my research accordingly. From what I've seen, doctors don't yet know much about the disorder, and treatment is borrowed from that for schizophrenia and depression. Which makes sense, as schizoaffective disorder is essentially a hybrid of the two.
I am convinced that I can fight this disorder with exercise and herbs. I am walking three miles a day, taking 150 mg of St. John's Wort daily, and 30 drops of Ashwagandha tincture. Ashwagandha is an Indian ayurvedic herb which helps the body adapt to stresses, or simply, it is an adaptogen. The St. John's Wort is for depression, and while I still experience depressive symptoms, I have been able to keep a basic functioning. I am able to get up every day, shower, clean house and do basic cooking. I'm not doing anything spectacular, just the basics. That's all I am capable of.
I have only had a few psychotic episodes since my last hospitalization and they have been mild. Frightening, but mild, compared to last year's onslaught. My hallucinations are really terrifying, and I've heard voices telling me to kill myself. I did have one suicide attempt in February of last year. That was when I was on the lithium for bipolar disorder, which I know now wasn't the right diagnosis. Clearly, the lithium wasn't helping.
I encourage anyone who experiences mental health issues to get help sooner rather than later. I think I waited too long. I thought I could do it on my own, and I ended up with a whangdoodle of an episode that lasted over a month. I don't have a doctor now, but that's just because I don't have a job that provides health insurance. I am armed with knowledge and feel that is enough for now. Time will tell how I do without the Zyprexa, but at least now I know what to expect and what the warning signs are.
There's no shame in having a mental health problem. There are many people in the world who have them, and it's a disease just like any other, like diabetes or cancer. Most of it is inherited. My grandfather had bipolar disorder. My father had depression, and my mother had anxiety attacks. So there is no shame, no stigma, it just is what it is. And getting help late is better than never.
I have been given various diagnoses, ranging from bipolar disorder to major depression with psychosis. The bipolar diagnosis didn't sit well with me, as I only had anxiety attacks and insomnia as a result of taking Prozac, not a full blown mania. I have done a bit of my own research into my symptoms and found that there is a disorder that matches what I'm going through. The doctor who said I have major depression with psychosis should have diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, because that's exactly what it is.
Schizoaffective disorder comprises hallucinations, delusions, disorganized communication and a mood disorder, either bipolar or major depression. That's me. I have schizoaffective disorder, and I'm disappointed that no doctor diagnosed me as such. But regardless, it's nice to have a name for what I've been through. The medications I was put on are basically the same as those for schizoaffective disorder. I'm nearly out of my last medication, I was put on Zoloft, Seroquel, Clonopin, and Zyprexa, and all I have left is the Zyprexa. I no longer have health insurance, so when I run out, I will have no way to get a prescription.
But knowing that I have a real disorder is such a help. I can put a name to it and do my research accordingly. From what I've seen, doctors don't yet know much about the disorder, and treatment is borrowed from that for schizophrenia and depression. Which makes sense, as schizoaffective disorder is essentially a hybrid of the two.
I am convinced that I can fight this disorder with exercise and herbs. I am walking three miles a day, taking 150 mg of St. John's Wort daily, and 30 drops of Ashwagandha tincture. Ashwagandha is an Indian ayurvedic herb which helps the body adapt to stresses, or simply, it is an adaptogen. The St. John's Wort is for depression, and while I still experience depressive symptoms, I have been able to keep a basic functioning. I am able to get up every day, shower, clean house and do basic cooking. I'm not doing anything spectacular, just the basics. That's all I am capable of.
I have only had a few psychotic episodes since my last hospitalization and they have been mild. Frightening, but mild, compared to last year's onslaught. My hallucinations are really terrifying, and I've heard voices telling me to kill myself. I did have one suicide attempt in February of last year. That was when I was on the lithium for bipolar disorder, which I know now wasn't the right diagnosis. Clearly, the lithium wasn't helping.
I encourage anyone who experiences mental health issues to get help sooner rather than later. I think I waited too long. I thought I could do it on my own, and I ended up with a whangdoodle of an episode that lasted over a month. I don't have a doctor now, but that's just because I don't have a job that provides health insurance. I am armed with knowledge and feel that is enough for now. Time will tell how I do without the Zyprexa, but at least now I know what to expect and what the warning signs are.
There's no shame in having a mental health problem. There are many people in the world who have them, and it's a disease just like any other, like diabetes or cancer. Most of it is inherited. My grandfather had bipolar disorder. My father had depression, and my mother had anxiety attacks. So there is no shame, no stigma, it just is what it is. And getting help late is better than never.
A Short Note on Football
You may be asking yourself, what's the wandering with hope girl doing talking about football?! Well, opening the TuneIn radio webpage today, the first thing that popped up was the NFL. "Touchdoooown," the screen read. I wish I had a way to get rid of that screen and just open up to my radio stations. I have no love for American football.
Yes, I said American football. Because the real football, called "soccer" in the United States, should be called football. Every other nation in the world calls it football. You use your feet ninety percent of the time, and no hands allowed. In American football, you only use your feet to touch the ball maybe twenty percent of the time. Or less. Most of the time, the ball is in someone's hands or in the air, having been thrown. With hands. Why isn't the sport called handball? Or throwball? I call it knuckle-head-ball.
Why are we the only people who call football, soccer and American football, football? Well I suppose it's the same reason we're the only nation that doesn't use the metric system. We're the oddballs of the world, and just because we're a superpower, we proudly display and hold onto our "individualism" and uniqueness. I think it's quite a bit of stubbornness, too.
I, for one, will call soccer, football, and football, American football. Time to buck one trend and fall into another. For what it's worth, falling in with the rest of the world isn't such a bad thing. After all, football (soccer) is the beautiful game. Beloved by the whole world. American football is ugly, brutal and causes brain damage to the players. In my hometown, children have died during football practice. I have never heard of anyone dying during soccer practice. Yes, injuries do occur in football (soccer) but they are relatively mild compared to the heavy beating one's body- and head- takes in American football.
There has been much controversy over Colin Kaepernick's decision to take a knee during the flag salute (or was it the national anthem?). I wholeheartedly support this move, as it is an elegant and respectful form of protest, no marching or yelling required, and I also wouldn't mind if this controversy would just take the whole NFL down with it. I know time has passed since then, and it looks like the NFL is here to stay. One can always dream.
Yes, I said American football. Because the real football, called "soccer" in the United States, should be called football. Every other nation in the world calls it football. You use your feet ninety percent of the time, and no hands allowed. In American football, you only use your feet to touch the ball maybe twenty percent of the time. Or less. Most of the time, the ball is in someone's hands or in the air, having been thrown. With hands. Why isn't the sport called handball? Or throwball? I call it knuckle-head-ball.
Why are we the only people who call football, soccer and American football, football? Well I suppose it's the same reason we're the only nation that doesn't use the metric system. We're the oddballs of the world, and just because we're a superpower, we proudly display and hold onto our "individualism" and uniqueness. I think it's quite a bit of stubbornness, too.
I, for one, will call soccer, football, and football, American football. Time to buck one trend and fall into another. For what it's worth, falling in with the rest of the world isn't such a bad thing. After all, football (soccer) is the beautiful game. Beloved by the whole world. American football is ugly, brutal and causes brain damage to the players. In my hometown, children have died during football practice. I have never heard of anyone dying during soccer practice. Yes, injuries do occur in football (soccer) but they are relatively mild compared to the heavy beating one's body- and head- takes in American football.
There has been much controversy over Colin Kaepernick's decision to take a knee during the flag salute (or was it the national anthem?). I wholeheartedly support this move, as it is an elegant and respectful form of protest, no marching or yelling required, and I also wouldn't mind if this controversy would just take the whole NFL down with it. I know time has passed since then, and it looks like the NFL is here to stay. One can always dream.
Monday, September 10, 2018
Mindful Consumption
I am reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book, Creating True Peace, and in it he outlines five mindfulness trainings. The fifth training helps us be mindful of what we consume, and in particular, teaches us not to consume alcoholic beverages and to abstain from eating meat. Now I've seldom had a problem with alcohol, I only abused it twice in my life when I could not sleep. And eating meat is something I've gone back and forth about. I tried being vegetarian for about a month or so, and it was too difficult. My husband wasn't on board, and it was difficult to find vegetarian options out to eat.
But in reading this book, I am reminded of one of the reasons not to consume alcohol or meat- grains. Untold amounts of grains, which could be used to feed starving people throughout the world, are used every day to produce alcohol and to feed livestock. Who is drinking the alcohol and eating the livestock? The fortunate ones, people with wealth. They (we) do so without giving a thought to the waste of food that could be distributed among the poorest.
My father was an alcoholic. He wasn't a belligerent drunk; he was actually very entertaining when he'd drink. He was functional, still able to get up and go to work every day. But the real toll the alcohol took on him was on his body. I never followed in his drunken footsteps thankfully, nor did I smoke, seeing the damage it did to him. But we never gave a thought to where the alcohol came from, how it was made, and what a better use of resources would look like. Now the cigarettes I have no patience for; they are toxic from beginning to end, from production to ashes. But regarding alcohol, I've been rather neutral. I considered the effects of the alcohol on the person, but didn't consider what goes into the production of alcohol. There is nothing redeeming about it.
This Saturday, my husband and I will be meeting up with his coworkers at a brewery for lunch. I was planning on having a good beer with my lunch, but now I'm not so certain I want to do that. I am hoping my self-control will kick in and I won't give in to the desire to try a good craft beer. I really want to do the right thing.
I have not had alcohol in over a year due to my medication, but seeing as I am weaning off the medication, I was planning to give it a try. Hopefully, I will be able to abstain. But this is where things get sticky. Even if I don't purchase alcohol at this event, I will still be contributing to the production of alcohol by eating the food at the brewery. I suppose it's the lesser of two evils.
In the book, Hanh writes that to make one glass of rice wine it takes a whole basket of rice. I don't know how much hops or wheat goes into each glass of beer. And it never occurred to me that all the grapes that go into a glass of wine could feed hungry people instead. I'm on the fence about it, still. St. Paul in one of his letters to Timothy writes about taking a bit of wine as an aid to the stomach. And wine is produced for communion as well. So it can't all be bad. I think for me, grape wine is the exception. Beer and rice wine, well, we can do without those.
But in reading this book, I am reminded of one of the reasons not to consume alcohol or meat- grains. Untold amounts of grains, which could be used to feed starving people throughout the world, are used every day to produce alcohol and to feed livestock. Who is drinking the alcohol and eating the livestock? The fortunate ones, people with wealth. They (we) do so without giving a thought to the waste of food that could be distributed among the poorest.
My father was an alcoholic. He wasn't a belligerent drunk; he was actually very entertaining when he'd drink. He was functional, still able to get up and go to work every day. But the real toll the alcohol took on him was on his body. I never followed in his drunken footsteps thankfully, nor did I smoke, seeing the damage it did to him. But we never gave a thought to where the alcohol came from, how it was made, and what a better use of resources would look like. Now the cigarettes I have no patience for; they are toxic from beginning to end, from production to ashes. But regarding alcohol, I've been rather neutral. I considered the effects of the alcohol on the person, but didn't consider what goes into the production of alcohol. There is nothing redeeming about it.
This Saturday, my husband and I will be meeting up with his coworkers at a brewery for lunch. I was planning on having a good beer with my lunch, but now I'm not so certain I want to do that. I am hoping my self-control will kick in and I won't give in to the desire to try a good craft beer. I really want to do the right thing.
I have not had alcohol in over a year due to my medication, but seeing as I am weaning off the medication, I was planning to give it a try. Hopefully, I will be able to abstain. But this is where things get sticky. Even if I don't purchase alcohol at this event, I will still be contributing to the production of alcohol by eating the food at the brewery. I suppose it's the lesser of two evils.
In the book, Hanh writes that to make one glass of rice wine it takes a whole basket of rice. I don't know how much hops or wheat goes into each glass of beer. And it never occurred to me that all the grapes that go into a glass of wine could feed hungry people instead. I'm on the fence about it, still. St. Paul in one of his letters to Timothy writes about taking a bit of wine as an aid to the stomach. And wine is produced for communion as well. So it can't all be bad. I think for me, grape wine is the exception. Beer and rice wine, well, we can do without those.
Saturday, September 1, 2018
On the Spirituality of Nature
I haven't written on the subject of spirituality for a long time, and truthfully, haven't spent enough time on the subject in my own life. I have been on a journey of faith, and while I know Christianity is the one true religion, there is more to it.
We have, as a collective people, long neglected our earth. People are so focused on the hereafter (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) that they have lost sight of what is right in front of them. This wouldn't be so bad if it didn't result in environmental problems such as human-induced climate change, glacial melt, species loss, and polluted water sources. The loss of clean water in particular should be a wake-up call to humanity.
It is a sin to neglect the earth, to harm it or to turn a blind eye to the harm done to it by others. Pope Francis laid it all out in his encyclical Laudato Si. But I'm not convinced that Catholics took much notice. I have long felt a spiritual connection with the earth, and while I don't have much personal power to protect it, I feel the need to speak out now on its behalf.
When I was in college, I had mystical spiritual experiences with daffodils on campus. I know it sounds nutty, but they were there, waving hello to me in the breeze, "speaking" to me of God. God's presence resides in the trees, the stones, the flowers, everything. Do Catholics even see it? Do they hear Him calling to them through the woods, the sea? St. Francis of Assisi is one of the only saints I know of who felt this special connection to the earth and its creatures. I always wanted to be a Franciscan, for I felt a closeness to Francis' joyful appreciation of the Sun, the Wind, the animals.
The Great Spirit, or Creator, of Native American belief is, I believe, one and the same with the God of Christianity. The Native Americans don't see a break between God and nature; to them it is all one, and they respect the earth accordingly. These days I feel more at home with Native spiritual beliefs than with my own Catholic upbringing. God is transcendent yet imminent.
I know that there is no one Native doctrine, and I want to steer clear of cultural misappropriation, but on a basic level, Native faith is what speaks to me of God the best. God is everywhere, not just in a box in a church. I'm not in any way discounting the importance of adoration of God in the box in the church. He is truly present there, yes. But we have neglected the worship of Him who inhabits the earth as a whole, and the earth which sustains our physical bodies is suffering because we simply don't care enough.
There is a mural on the side of a convenience store in Berkeley which delineates the suffering the earth undergoes at our hands. The last sentence reads, "Do we have the courage to care?" Well, do we?
We have, as a collective people, long neglected our earth. People are so focused on the hereafter (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) that they have lost sight of what is right in front of them. This wouldn't be so bad if it didn't result in environmental problems such as human-induced climate change, glacial melt, species loss, and polluted water sources. The loss of clean water in particular should be a wake-up call to humanity.
It is a sin to neglect the earth, to harm it or to turn a blind eye to the harm done to it by others. Pope Francis laid it all out in his encyclical Laudato Si. But I'm not convinced that Catholics took much notice. I have long felt a spiritual connection with the earth, and while I don't have much personal power to protect it, I feel the need to speak out now on its behalf.
When I was in college, I had mystical spiritual experiences with daffodils on campus. I know it sounds nutty, but they were there, waving hello to me in the breeze, "speaking" to me of God. God's presence resides in the trees, the stones, the flowers, everything. Do Catholics even see it? Do they hear Him calling to them through the woods, the sea? St. Francis of Assisi is one of the only saints I know of who felt this special connection to the earth and its creatures. I always wanted to be a Franciscan, for I felt a closeness to Francis' joyful appreciation of the Sun, the Wind, the animals.
The Great Spirit, or Creator, of Native American belief is, I believe, one and the same with the God of Christianity. The Native Americans don't see a break between God and nature; to them it is all one, and they respect the earth accordingly. These days I feel more at home with Native spiritual beliefs than with my own Catholic upbringing. God is transcendent yet imminent.
I know that there is no one Native doctrine, and I want to steer clear of cultural misappropriation, but on a basic level, Native faith is what speaks to me of God the best. God is everywhere, not just in a box in a church. I'm not in any way discounting the importance of adoration of God in the box in the church. He is truly present there, yes. But we have neglected the worship of Him who inhabits the earth as a whole, and the earth which sustains our physical bodies is suffering because we simply don't care enough.
There is a mural on the side of a convenience store in Berkeley which delineates the suffering the earth undergoes at our hands. The last sentence reads, "Do we have the courage to care?" Well, do we?
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