A Simple Lunch

I am learning to love a simple lunch. I find that I'm not terribly hungry in the middle of the day. Today's lunch consists of an egg over easy with sea salt, black pepper, and nutritional yeast; a handful of walnuts; a banana; a small cup of Good Karma flax milk.

Simple and healthy. I feel perfectly satisfied, not "full." I read somewhere that the French will say that they are "no longer hungry" instead of saying, "I'm full." I also read that it's impolite to tell your host or hostess that you are "full," and instead to say you are "satisfied." Besides being polite, I think these are subtle ways to steer your self-discipline toward "just enough" instead of eating and eating and eating.

Lately at restaurants, if I clean my plate I feel quite unwell. The standard American portions are just too large for me. It's not a matter of wanting to lose weight or anything like that. I just feel sick when I try to eat it all. My husband and I have a joke: if I'm coming close to that state of discomfort, my husband can usually tell and he'll say, "Indian restaurant." This alludes to a time we ate at a lovely Indian restaurant, about two years ago, where the food was just so delicious that I refused to stop eating when I was full and made myself very ill. Very ill. I felt like I couldn't breathe and had a horrid stomachache the rest of the day. Even walking and moving hurt.

Never again. I'm pretty good now about stopping myself, though he still reminds me every now and again about that catastrophe. Even when I'm having my treat of those Lofthouse cookies, I force myself to stop at two. I know that if I have a third, I will feel poorly. Self-discipline is not something commonly practiced in today's modern society. My parents were pretty good about it, though I must say my father had more than my mother did. Her diabetic self sometimes backslid into stealing bites of my desserts, and she had an inability to keep drawers and closets remotely organized. She was better about these things in her older years. In his older years, Dad actually reversed and became more of an alcoholic and ate nothing but sweets and potato chips. I endeavor to be like my Mom in this respect: better late than never.

In any event, I'm trying my best to keep self-discipline in my role as homemaker: waking before 9am, keeping the sink clear, never leaving the house without the bed made and floors swept, curbing my spending, not wearing my pajamas any later than 9:30, and doing my hair and makeup every day. That last one isn't necessary exactly, but it lifts my spirits just as much as my Zoloft does, if not more.

It's not hard to keep self-discipline in the arena of diet. As I've said before, sugar generally makes me feel unwell, and too much food makes me physically uncomfortable. It's quite easy to pare down and eat healthfully. I think my husband has subconsciously followed my lead here. I haven't seen him chowing down on cookies (my friends and I once called him the Cookie Monster) or complaining about our smaller-than-the-average-American portion sizes. He eats my salads with joy. I am thrilled.

He still likes "something sweet" before bed but lately that's been granola cereal, or toast or a bagel with peanut butter and jelly. Not too bad. 

Just for fun, here are five things I don't like that everyone else seems to love:
1. Peanut butter
2. Garlic
3. The Beatles
4. Television
5. Facebook

Peanut butter gives me a mild headache, even the smell of it. I love alternative nut butters: almond, sunflower seed, cashew. Cashew is usually the most costly. You can usually find them at Trader Joe's. Garlic is just unpleasant all around, it leaves one with bad breath. My husband loves it so I cook with it, and tell myself that it's good for us. The Beatles. I don't even know why I don't like them, I just know I don't. I'm sick to death of hearing them. Television. I've already ranted about it. It's a potentially good technology that has turned into something insidious. Facebook. Time-sucker, zombie-maker, self-glorifying vortex of baby pictures and things I don't want to know about other people. If I didn't have a page to see my daughter, I would delete my account.

I think tonight's dinner will be spaghetti with chicken, chard and onions. And as always, a green salad and French bread and butter. I am in love with Semifreddi's seeded sourdough baguettes. Their sweet baguette is also delicious. I find myself buying two loaves a week. It takes us two or three days to get through them. We are lucky to live in an area with plentiful local bakeries to choose from. 

"In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves... self-discipline with all of them came first." - Harry S Truman

Food

A sample menu for a typical day at home:

Breakfast: Soft-boiled egg, 1 cup whole milk kefir, black tea

Lunch: Warm pita with hummus, 2 dolmas, 1 cup almondmilk

Dinner: chard, chicken and mushrooms stir-fried in coconut oil, green salad, sourdough bread with butter, 1 cup water or iced tea (leftover from the morning)

It doesn't take much to stay full if you eat healthfully. I am endeavoring not to snack, but if I were to break that rule I would have a handful of blueberries and walnuts. Usually a cup of tea will suffice to keep me going between meals. I have found that I am less hungry now that I eat at home, and eat less processed food. I ate that exact breakfast this morning at 9 am, and wasn't hungry until 2 pm, even after housework and running errands. Last night I wasn't even hungry enough for the main dish. I just had salad and bread. And I was ok with that. It's good to listen to your body.

My body wants less meat. Really. I haven't had an appetite for it, and I often don't like the taste of it. I still eat it, just a lot less of it. I'm never going to be a vegetarian (I love bacon), but I can feel my body's desire these days is more for vegetables and fruits. That's just for now. Maybe in a few months it will shift and I will want more meat. There shouldn't be hard and fast rules for eating unless you're diabetic or celiac, or allergic to certain foods.

If you cut out most of the sugar in your diet, your taste buds will wake up to what you really need. It's just the way it is. I have written before that I don't even like sugary foods anymore. That's not entirely true. I have one weakness- Lofthouse frosted sugar cookies. I don't like cakes or pies, or even ice cream all that much, but I really love those particular cookies. So I allow myself that treat every now and again. But in general, I don't enjoy desserts anymore. Not a bad problem to have.

Lessons

Today is a jeans day. I wear jeans the way other people wear sweatpants. I didn't sleep well, and the plan for today was to go to the Wal-Mart pharmacy. I HATE Wal-Mart with an unbridled passion, but it's the only non-Kaiser pharmacy for miles and is also the most affordable. My eco-minded, social justice heart is sick at having gone to Wal-Mart. I understand people's need for affordable things, but I can't justify it at the expense of others in disadvantaged societies. It's the consumerist's Mecca, the high holy place of worship of Mammon. I feel dirty.

So what did I do? Against my better judgment, I purchased a Maybelline 14-hour lipstick in mauve. Awful. On my lips it doesn't look anything like what's in the tube. Looks purple! It got all over my teeth and comes off onto my tea mug. 14-hour my patootie. That's what I get for departing from my vow to only purchase prescriptions there. At least I didn't give my own money to Wal-Mart; I used my health savings card for the whole purchase today. I have one month's worth of prescriptions left on it. I will use it more wisely next time (no horrible lipstick).

It does NOT look like this on the lips!

Speaking of the tea mug, it's wonderful. I owned a Contigo travel mug years ago and it was stolen. Finally I have another. It came yesterday. Never again will I have to dispose of a to-go cup from a cafe. Most places around here will fill your travel mug, especially if it's just with hot water for tea. Score one for eco-friendliness. This one is the Byron mug in the color Biscay Bay. My previous Contigo had a neat carabiner handle, but they don't carry that type anymore.

This one is good enough for me, is cheaper than many travel mugs, and I love the color. It keeps liquids hot for 7 hours, and cold for 24. I am thoroughly pleased and it more than makes up for my shenanigans at Hell-Mart. Today's tisane is Organic India's Sweet Rose Tulsi. Tulsi, also known as holy basil, is an adaptogen, meaning it helps your body deal with stressors. I must admit I don't enjoy the rose flavor as much as I did a few years ago. Taste buds do change. I think next time I get a box of Tulsi I will try the peppermint, or maybe just plain original. You can find tulsi here.

I once was able to buy tulsi in bulk at my local natural grocer, but I couldn't find it this time. I do like the flavor of it all on its own; it's refreshing and grassy, reminiscent of a mild green tea. It is a good tea to help with the unpleasantness of today. Despite the headiness of the rose flavor, it is soothing.

I have noticed a dip in my patience these days. I don't know what it is. It's possible I haven't spent enough time in prayer lately, and our Mass attendance has been spotty. I was practically itching to push the elderly gentleman in front of me out of the way at the pharmacy. He was having issues with his Medicare and was taking a long time. Shame on me.

Maybe I would have felt better if I had worn something nicer than the jeans, which I normally would. Let this be a lesson for those yucky days to come- dress well to feel well. Even with the disappointment in the color, I did feel a lift when I tried on the lipstick. I have recently started wearing eye makeup again as well. My eyes are my best feature, and emphasis on them takes away from the stubborn acne on my face. I was hesitant to wear lipstick in fear that it would bring attention to the blemishes, but it doesn't. At least not this monstrous color. So I may keep it, and put my gloss over it to redden it a bit.

I should have waited and bought Tangee lipstick from The Vermont Country Store, which I have been ogling for some time now. It's not cheap, especially when you figure in shipping, but it's supposed to be worth it, as it turns to a natural just-for-you shade that matches your complexion. I'll wait a few more pay periods. I've done enough non-essential shopping for one month.

I don't know whether to consider my recent buy from Mountain Rose Herbs to be non-essential. As I've mentioned, I want to start making my own remedies and tonics, so I purchased beautiful cobalt blue dropper bottles from them. Semi-essential, maybe. What lessons have I learned today?
It's better to rise early after a poor night's sleep.
Patience is a virtue, but you need God's help to have it.
Clothes make the man (or woman).
Make wise use of free money.
Follow your better judgment.

Doings

It's a rainy day in today, so I thought I'd take stock of all the things I've been doing lately. Even with the salicylic acid, the acne just hasn't let up, so I purchased some bentonite clay for masks. I mixed a tablespoon with some water and added bergamot and lavender essential oils, and put on a mask twice yesterday and once this morning. My skin feels great and a couple of the blemishes have significantly reduced. Hopefully, some of the acne scars will fade over time.

I also purchased chaste tree berry capsules in an effort to balance my hormones, as I'm pretty sure that's the reason for my acne. I've done everything else- probiotics, changed my diet, exercised more, used every natural topical ingredient imaginable (tea tree, rosemary, garlic, banana peel). I read that echinacea combined with chaste tree berry does the trick for the hormones, so I am drinking echinacea tea as well.

My plan is to make a nettle and milk thistle tincture just as a general tonic. Milk thistle is also supposed to help with hormone imbalance, and nettle is good for the blood and immune system, as well as being anti-inflammatory. I may add astragalus to the mix. As soon as my supplies come in, I'll post the tincture-making process. 

I also have made an herbal soak for my husband, for reasons of a rather private nature, but it seems to be helping. Comfrey, echinacea and goldenseal. The goldenseal was quite expensive, but it's worth it. An antibiotic would have cost the same if not more, and usually comes with adverse side effects. I have no intention of utilizing conventional medicine unless the condition is life-threatening or mechanical in nature (such as a broken bone). Herbal remedies are safe, simple and healthy, and many of them smell wonderful. They've been used successfully for centuries. Why put synthetic compounds in our bodies for something as simple as a headache? Pain relievers are more damaging than helpful in the long run.

When I was growing up, my dad would give me pills like candy. Have a hangnail? Take a pill. He took obscene amounts of ibuprofen every single day for his back pain. It's ruinous for your stomach, and probably for your liver too. I think only the blessing of his strong Midwestern genes prevented him from having liver problems. The only serious ailment of his long life was the breathing. First emphysema, then lung cancer. I think had he not smoked and worked with so many chemical fumes, he would have lived to be 100. Despite the ibuprofen (and nightly whiskeys).

I am hoping to undo any damage from my pill-popping, sugar-laden childhood. I'm starting a bit late, I just turned 33, but it's better than not trying at all. 

I love the rain, but I do wish it would cease for awhile, just so I could go out and feed the chickens and gather some eggs without getting drenched. We only have the chickens for two more days. I've got about two dozen eggs now, but I don't mind a few more. They're free and loads healthier than store-bought eggs. And it being Lent and almost Easter, the more eggs the better. It's meatless Friday, after all.

The chickens' trough is probably flooded, so even if I fed them it would fill up again. And boy does it stink when it's wet! I'm not really sure what the solution is. If I had my own chickens, I think I would keep the trough under an awning of some sort. I also don't know how to clean their coop. I don't see any helpful tools around, and their poop is piling up grievously. I feel badly that their owner is going to come back to that.

I am rather at a loss as to what to do the rest of today. Dishes are done. Bed is made. Laundry is caught up. Herbal solutions are prepared. Can't go out for a walk, my husband left with the umbrella by accident. I had a Lenten goal of picking up trash at the Marina every day, but it's just too wet today. I've got a library book to read. And I do want to find a long stick to help me clean behind the shower stall (motorhome layouts are peculiar). I wish I still had my parents' yardstick, that was always the perfect tool. I suppose I can research more herbal concoctions for the future. Like homemade bug spray and sunblock. For every rainy day we've had, we've had two or three very warm ones. We also have the scourge of the ants once again. They're surrounding our motorhome like a marching platoon. So far they haven't broken our gates down, but the day is coming.

Tomorrow my beautiful friend Allie is coming up from Bakersfield to take me to see one of our favorite authors, Lisa See, who is coming to the nearby town of Pleasanton. Then we have a reservation at the lovely English Rose Tea Room. I love supporting their business; besides it being just a high-quality place, they're Christians. They have Bible verses placed throughout the store and have a guest book for requesting prayers. Just wonderful. 

Stop eating sugar!

I don't want to get into all the technical science gobbledy-gook, but let's just say there's enough evidence now that sugar is a PROBLEM. We eat way too much of it, it's really bad for us, and it makes us fat. Fat doesn't make you fat, sugar does.

I have significantly cut back my sugar intake in recent months, and eating it now makes me nauseated. Yesterday was my birthday, and a well-meaning friend gave me a cupcake. I ate it later at home, and boy was I glad I didn't eat it in front of her! I don't know if I could have hidden the disgusted look on my face. I forced myself to finish it, though I lobbed off about half the frosting. SO much frosting. I felt quite ill after eating it. Happy birthday.

My family in Bakersfield eats way too much sugar. Growing up, I ate just like they do. It's in everything, not just typical culprits like soda and candy- it's in ketchup, juice, all processed foods (frozen waffles, bologna, bagels, salad dressing, Lunchables, chicken nuggets), low-fat dairy (just STOP with the low-fat nonsense already), even canned soups.

Sugar messes with your brain, your liver, your kidneys, your hormones, your appetite (increases!), and your body's fat-storage. Sugar is the devil. No joke. And fructose is the worst sugar. Google it. High-fructose corn syrup is the most commonly used sugar in processed foods, and what do the average Americans eat in increasing quantities? Processed foods. Dinner, lunch, breakfast, snack.

I have some discomfort staying at my sister's house because of this. I can't escape the sugary, over-salted, over-chemicalled (my new word) "food" she serves. And after a day or two I end up feeling fogged and cranky. It's bad. Pop-Tarts, Teddy Grahams, Hamburger Helper, Pringles, Rice-A-Roni, and the worst offenders, fast food. Sonic is the worst, but my grossly obese older nephew loves it. Of course he does. Now his little brother's tummy is hanging over his shorts, and he has cellulite forming on his little knees. His knees!

I can't stand it. My whole family is overweight. Only my parents, now deceased, managed to stay trim. My uncle, also deceased, only lost weight when he got cancer of the jaw and literally couldn't eat. I remember summers at his house. He taught me to swim, God love him, but after every swim he served me Pepsi and Honey-Buns. I can't believe I never gained weight. I did have anxiety and thyroid issues, however.

My well-meaning cupcake-gifting friend is also a highly skeptical atheist. She told me yesterday that it's a myth that sugar causes children to become hyper. I'm never good with facts and comebacks, so I stayed silent. I'm sorry, I just can't believe her. I don't care what scientific studies she can show me, I won't believe it. My little nephew, the one with the cottage-cheese knees, is always hyped up after Pop-Tarts, juice and his highly-processed dinner. Always. My sister is always saying, "Oh little boy, what is the DEAL?" And I just shake my head.

I often feel shaky and amped up after eating sugar, in addition to feeling queasy. If I feel that way as an adult, what effect is sugar having on little ones? Not a myth. No way.

Real food tastes so good. It really does. I no longer want dessert after dinner. I'm satisfied. I hardly even want honey in my tea anymore. It's more for when I have a sore throat. Real food, folks. Cook it. Eat it. Eat fats too. Butter, bacon, avocados, coconut oil, olive oil (unheated), lard, ghee, fish. All organic, of course. Eat it. Your brain needs it, and so do the fat-soluble vitamins that you need to absorb, like A, D, E and K.

And for Pete's sake, stop the sugar madness.

The Blessed Rain

Today is the first day of spring, and it's the first day we've had rain in awhile. I'm thinking of a lovely song, "The Blessed Rain," by Ashley Maher. I love her music, she has such a pure voice and uses beautiful African rhythms. She is one of the most played artists on my Pandora account. I am fortunate to have a home to shelter me from the rain. I am fortunate that I can stay home and appreciate the sounds of the rain instead of being out in it. I am fortunate.

Tomorrow is my birthday. For the last several years, it has rained on my birthday. I don't know what the Lord is trying to tell me, or perhaps I should just appreciate the gift and not worry about it. Our plan is to hike Sibley and go to Far Leaves tea shop for a peaceful pot of high-quality tea. I'm not so sure I want to hike in the rain, I don't have good boots or hiking shoes anymore. So we'll have to come up with a different pre-teatime plan. Even if it doesn't rain, it'll still be muddy after today's weather.

I want to get some pink roses for the table. We just have one tulip left from last week's bouquet, a pretty white bud. Pink has always reminded me of birthday fun. When I was a child I always had a pink strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting. Fabulous. When my parents finally decided it was time to redecorate my room away from the 70's orange and yellow that my older sister had enjoyed, I chose pink and white. We kept the old green carpet, but I always imagined it was the grass in a rose garden. I chose a rose wallpaper border in pink, white and  green, painted white walls, pink paint on my bedframe, closet doors and dresser, and mauve pink blinds. We found a cheap white nightstand and small chest of drawers when my big pink dresser finally got too worn out. My room was a haven of prettiness. I still love pink. I don't like to wear it, but I like it in my home in small doses for a bit of cheer and nostalgia.

Wow. What a clap of thunder I just heard. I wasn't expecting a thunderstorm for two more days. My poor husband is spending his day at the DMV. He sent me a message saying there are fifty people ahead of him. He certainly can't enjoy the rain or thunder. Poor love. I have his lunch ready, but it might have to go back into the fridge while those fifty people are seen. It's a simple sandwich, hard-boiled egg, and bunch of strawberries. We have fresh organic eggs while we babysit our neighbor's hens. They're sneaky little ladies, always escaping the pen to munch on my landlord's garden. When the cat was here they would eat her food.

Now I'm off to discover the source of a strange odor. The life of a homemaker is usually pleasant, but you can't prevent unpleasantness. It's just a part of life.

"...you can't hurry the blessed rain..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlxNY8m2flE

A Healthier Life

With great results, I have tried a recipe for hair oil treatment. I purchased bergamot and rosemary essential oils today (I justified the purchase of both because the rosemary was half the price of the other). Both oils are said to be healing for the skin, and I have been battling painful acne for months now. While researching the uses for rosemary oil, I came upon a simple recipe for hair oil. Rosemary is supposed to be good for darker hair. Mine is a light brown but I figured it couldn't hurt.

I put 5 drops of rosemary EO in 2 tablespoons of olive oil (recipe said you could use olive, almond or jojoba). Mixed well and applied to scalp and dry hair. Wrapped hair in an old towel (I used one with a loud pattern so you won't notice the oil spots) and sat for 30 minutes. Shampooed and conditioned as usual. Wow. My hair is shiny and softer than ever. And the rosemary scent was invigorating.

I also used the bergamot EO in the shower on my skin. Very calming. And now the shower stall smells like citrus. The bathroom smells like rosemary. I will never be able to go back to conventional products again. I was despairing of finding an acne medication because of the unwanted chemicals in all the formulas at the drugstore. Today I went to the health food store to buy the oils, and thanks be to God I happened upon a toxin-free salicylic acid formula. It's entirely natural with witch hazel, lavender, tea tree and other botanicals. It wasn't cheap, but it seems that a little will go a long way.

Essential oils will improve your health and uplift your senses. My home smells amazing and so do my body and hair. And the air in our home is fresher. Make use of your local health food store. The items there can be expensive, but with a little hunting you can find good deals.  I do pay more for organic and minimally-processed foods, but it's preventative medicine. It's really worth it for a healthier life.

No more flip-flopping!

No more!

Stop wearing flip-flops! They are not proper shoes. They belong on your feet only at the beach (on the shore, not in the beach town), poolside, or after a pedicure. With the warmer weather comes the great undressing of the nation, and with that comes the sloppy, flip-flopping feet shuffling around. It's ugly, ungraceful, dangerous for the arch of the foot, and most flip-flops don't offer proper protection from items on the asphalt that could hurt your feet. I have only seen a few solidly-built flip-flops, and most have been on men, not women. It's dangerous to drive in them, too.

There are plenty of attractive, well-built sandals on the market. Wear them. Your feet will thank you, and you will contribute to the decency of our decency-starved society.

Ugliness

There is a rant bubbling up inside me, it's been stewing for some days now. There are a few components to it, I'm not quite sure where to start. I haven't spent the time to organize it. Sound. Noise. I think I've had it with ugly, intrusive sounds. I'm reading a book called One Square Inch of Silence, about an acoustic ecologist's continual search for natural silence. I think that even before I began the book, my tolerance for noise was waning, and the author's love of quiet and natural sound gave a voice to what I've been feeling. I don't like the fact that we live sandwiched between an airport and a busy thoroughfare (carrying big rigs and Harleys, mostly), and five railroad tracks separate us from the rest of town. Noise, noise, noise. There are chickens in my backyard and lots of songbirds in the area, but I can't appreciate the sounds they make because of the constant rumbling of trucks and whirring of planes, literally every few seconds. We live in a motorhome, not a regular house, so there isn't much insulation to damp the noise.

But there's more to my complaint than just noise. Ugly speech has gotten to me as well. I have had it up to HERE with vulgarity. Had it. The American speechscape is littered with nasty, disrespectful and infantile jabs, like poison darts to my soul. I can't escape it. What is wrong with everyone? When did society decide not to grow up and grow out of adolescent profanity? There is no respect for the ears of little children, or of respectable people within earshot. It's all over the televisions, radios, on computers, on trains and buses, and on the street. No one is being told it's wrong, or rude, or unacceptable. And it's not just four-letter words, but other nastiness. I was horrified to be stuck on a bus overhearing a man loudly describe his various methods of penetrating a woman's body. Another time, also on a bus, a young woman declared loudly as she boarded, "It smells like a gang of p*ss up in here!" I was mortified for the obviously homeless man sitting across from me, who was clearly the source of the stink. Just horrible and hateful.

There is an overload of ugliness in this society. Yesterday, while waiting for my husband to come out of the store, I observed several young women pedestrians. Every single one of them was wearing ugliness in some form, somehow considered fashionable: Ripped jeans, earwax-colored oversized sweaters, army green-drab jackets, shaved heads (really? My head was shaved once because of brain surgery. I would never do it for fun.), dyed-gray hair (a mockery of the Scripture that upholds gray hair as the crown of wisdom of the aged), combat boots. Worse still were the ugly expressions on their faces. Some looked angry, some looked vacuous, some looked jaded, none looked alive. All seemed spiritually dead. I'll also say that the men pedestrians were better dressed. Sad state of affairs.

Back to the ugliness of intrusive noise, I've lost patience too with noise-music. I don't care how old-fashioned that makes me sound. It's evil-sounding. Rap, pop, and that God-awful dubstep, just make me want to dive into the ocean. Pop music, while never very intelligent or inspired, used to be positive and uplifting, more or less. The last decade or so however has seen a drastic change, and it is abrasive and negative. More and more the lyrics talk about using other people, whether for sex, power, or convenience. I admit that while there are rap artists who have a positive message and avoid cursing, rap is still an ugly sound, and the majority of rap music is filled with profanity and negative imagery. 

I think that it is so disrespectful when people play their music loudly in public. It's juvenile and selfish. I don't care if it's Bach or Beethoven, it's not acceptable. Unfortunately, most people who blare their radios and mp3's aren't playing classical. Even cars with windows rolled up that are blasting noise are offensive, because the windows don't stop us from hearing it, plus we can hear the rattling of those windows too. I want to be able to hear my husband when he talks to me in the car, or hear a possible danger, such as another car coming too close. And I don't want to be subjected to garbage music. 

There are rhythms that inspire beauty, peace, order and love, and there are rhythms that incite anger, hatred, discord and impatience. I wonder why it is that people choose the latter. What is inside them that appreciates such ugliness? Or perhaps the question is what isn't inside them. Silence is necessary for the soul to breathe. It is necessary in order to experience God. As wonderful as classical music is, it's not right for me to listen to it constantly, without reprieve. Silence is healing, restorative, fulfilling and holy. People seem to be afraid of silence. Most everyone I see on the train is wearing earbuds. I realize that the sounds of the train aren't silence, but it's closer to it than music pumped directly into one's ears. Even the clothing people wear is screaming obscenities, through ugliness, logos, and immodesty.

So what does all this mean? It means souls are deadened, minds are clogged and bodies are improperly used. Everything needs to make a "statement." I've seen it in Target ads- a "statement necklace." The ripped-jean-and-ugly-sweater-wearing, green-haired girl with the permanent frown, oversized eyeglasses and "statement purse" has carefully tailored her look to say, "F- you, I am different and better than all of you because I hate loveliness. Loveliness is for the oppressed women of the past. I don't give a rat's behind what you think of me, as long as I think of myself as more enlightened than you." People of the past dressed in such a way as to show respect for themselves and for others. The current disease of selfishness and permissiveness has caused many to value rebellion and disrespect instead, marring the scenery with hateful expressions and ugly "statements" in the form of clothing and accessories.

There is healing to be found in harmonious speech, traditional dress, and real music. They can revive our hearts and smooth out the static of the constant barrage of ugly sounds and sights, already prevalent in an industrial society. And of course, a healthy dose of silence would allow us to heal in the deepest parts of ourselves. Learning to respect ourselves, nature and other people comes from contemplation, and you can't contemplate without quiet. You can't hear the voice of God without quiet. You can't take stock of yourself without quiet. And you can't appreciate the gift of life without a backdrop of serenity to properly frame it. We are living in a culture of death. I make it a goal to infuse my little corner of the world with life, in the way I dress, eat, speak (or don't speak) and move about. It's a small thing, but it's better than nothing.

It's been awhile...

So many things have changed since last I wrote. I am now a full-time homemaker by virtue of a serious case of depression and anxiety that caused me to quit my job. It's precarious because we really can't afford for me to be home, but there's no way I am getting back into the workforce in this condition. So here we are, making the best of things. I have done my best to make use of my time at home. My house is cleaner than it's ever been, that's for sure. I am certainly more organized. I've had the time to add little touches of comfort and beauty that have added to the homeliness of our little motorhome. And our meals are healthier and better thanks to more cooking-from-scratch practice. I have more energy for exercise, too (though I'm laid up with a strained calf after a vigorous hike).

I had been apprehensive of what my husband thinks of my new status, but yesterday he came home and hugged me, saying, "I love having a stay-at-home-wife!" Despite our financial peril, he sees the inherent value in my homemaking. I do believe that God will provide, either by my husband finding a better job or my healing sufficiently to return to work. Either way, I finally have peace about this situation, after several weeks of anxiety and tension.

Something I've really delved into during my almost-month at home thus far is the benefits and uses of essential oils. I have a few- lavender, jasmine, tea tree, eucalyptus, clove, peppermint and cedarwood. I just ran out of the rose, which is a shame since it's one of the more expensive to replace. The oils have lifted my spirits through their scents, helped clean my home (eucalyptus), started healing of my acne-prone skin (lavender and tea tree), and ameliorated a toothache (clove) and stomachache (peppermint). I want to purchase a few more: bergamot, chamomile, juniper, and another rose. They aren't cheap, however, and my budget has just been cut in half. I will just have to buy one at a time.

Juniper is for sore muscles. Chamomile is for headaches, anxiety and insomnia. Bergamot is for digestion, skin, and emotional wellness (and turns plain black tea into Earl Grey). Rose is for skin, hormone imbalance and the immune system (plus it's my favorite scent). God gave us these healing plants and we should do well to take advantage of them in place of harmful synthetic medicines. By the way, the sense of smell is the most powerful and the only sense connected directly to our memories. Essential oils can change our atmosphere into one of healing, remembrance, positivity and wholeness like nothing else can. I love walking into a eucalyptus-scented bathroom because I know for sure that it's clean and fresh. I use the oil on wet rags to freshen and clean my sink, toilet and shower. I also have jasmine in a reed diffuser by the sink, just for the beauty of the fragrance. I love to wear lavender and rose oils; they keep me grounded and evoke pleasant memories of elegant tea rooms and gardens of my past.

Lavender and tea tree, besides healing blemishes (and just smelling darn good) also function as insect repellant. No need for stinky, toxic bug repellents. I even read that tea tree kills bedbugs, though thankfully we've never had those. Another way to use essential oils for fragrance is to add them to unscented candles. I let my tealights burn enough to get a good puddle of melted wax, blow them out, add a few drops of essential oil, and relight them. Beautiful and fragrant, totally customizable. It's fun to experiment with different scent combinations. Eucalyptus, clove and lavender was an especially energizing blend.

I'm also having a good time with the herbs that grow on the property where we live. Thyme, mint, rosemary, and lavender. Good for tea, for face and hair, for potatoes and soups, and just lovely to have bunched in a jar on the table. Tied a pretty gift ribbon on the jar and prettified the area at no cost. Tea is another inexpensive luxury. I have one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one at night. Loose leaf is cheaper, healthier and can be used more than once. Plus you can make your own tea blends and have fun experimenting. A friend bought me a beautiful butterfly teapot, and she also had bought me a butterfly mug two years before (I don't think she even thought of them matching), and the result is a cheerful, healthy daily ritual.

These are the little things that have made my days at home more beautiful than they already are. There's nothing like being able to move about at your own pace and have the time to literally stop and smell the roses. Or the lavender.