I Speak for Myself

I am anti-feminism. That said, I don't always agree with the articles posted on the site Ladies Against Feminism. In search of other anti-feminism sites besides just LAF, I somehow -thanks Google- came across a bunch of feminist articles responding to discrediting anti-feminists/non-feminists. So… the feminists are so full of themselves that they can’t even accept a dissenting opinion for what it is. Can’t even. One article was titled “What anti-feminists really mean when they say…” Excuse me? What we say is what we mean. No, feminists do not speak for me, and they certainly have no business saying that they do. Feminists don’t have some magical ability to decode the “mystery” behind a woman’s statement against feminism. Well, there must be some mistake, right? No self-respecting woman could possibly be against feminism. Right???

Please. Feminism is not a fact of life. It’s not the end-all, be-all of equality. It’s a sociopolitical movement, a set of ideas, only as valid and viable (and malleable) as the humans who perpetrate it. But regardless of the particulars, what I’m upset about is the sheer arrogance of these feminist authors and writers claiming to speak for all women, and in the process, speaking over other women. Their condescension is so palpable- “Oh, you poor ignorant little anti-feminist, you couldn’t possibly understand the world and all its evils, you must not have really meant what you said. You just don’t know everything about feminism, that’s all, dear.” Heh. I and the other anti-feminists that I know have had plenty of education in feminism and plenty of education by feminists. You’d have to have made a whole lot of effort in the last couple of decades to not understand feminism.

A friend of mine, who is a very staunch feminist, simply could not accept my statement that I am not a feminist. First of all, when did that become appropriate in polite conversation? My statement about myself is my statement about myself. I don't remember her verbatim reply, but her immediate response was the same as those article-writers: you simply don't know everything about feminism, and there are other good things about feminism besides what you disagree with. She mowed me over, saying that I can still be a feminist and not agree with abortion. Fine. But I don't have to. And I don't want to.

I was so flabbergasted at her gall that I couldn't think of it at the time, but my retort could have been:
Well, you simply don't know everything about Catholicism, and there are other good things about Catholicism besides what you disagree with. Oh, you don't believe in God? Well, that's central to Catholicism, sorry. Hm. Legalized abortion is central to feminism, so I guess I don't have to be a feminist either, since I believe it's wrong. 

And abortion is certainly not my only point of contention.

I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and forming my own conclusions about feminism. As I learned when studying the evolution of the art of Picasso, you can’t break the rules unless you have mastered them. How can any movement respect itself if it does not allow for criticism? Feminism’s defenses are too often straw man attacks. It is so full of itself that one of its platitudes is, “If you’re against feminism, you’re against women.” Please! That’s as bad as, “If you’re against Planned Parenthood, you’re against women’s health.” You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m against abortion and contraception. If Planned Parenthood continued to provide healthcare for women and simply eliminated abortion and contraception from its services, then I have no problem. See how my terms include the health part? Regardless of what they may tell you, contraception has nothing to do with health, and neither does the overwhelming majority of abortions. They exist for convenience, or for fear, for selfishness, for uncertainty, for the opposite of love.  

And don't even start with me about patriarchy. I’m Catholic and very happily Catholic, so you won’t get far. Men are wonderful and God created them to wonderfully take charge. I love my husband and I love that he is the head of our household, as Christ is head of His Church.  I pray for our poor men who are certainly not oppressing anyone and are more likely to be oppressed by the systems that are now heavily in favor of women. My experience working for Catholic Charities tells me that. Even this organization, run by my religious institution, has to give in to the lopsided logic of modern feminism because our government is under its thumb. There was so little that I was allowed to give the deserving men who came in for help. Only if they had a child with them, could I help them in any substantial way. Most men coming in who were fathers without their children, were so because the mother left and took everything they had. Don't argue the "men make more money" thing. You're barking up the wrong tree. Modern law is biased to benefit women. 

Side note: I can't even tell you the sickening feeling I got at my last church when I learned they use "inclusive language," which actually excludes the role of God as Father (and the fact of Jesus' human masculinity) by eliminating the pronouns "He," "Him," and "His" from prayers and songs, changing the words to "God" or "God's" so that women won't feel "alienated." What?? I guess I'm not a woman, then, because inclusive language is what alienated me. Don't even get me started about the lady who prayed "Our Father-Mother, who art in heaven..."

Feminists: I am a woman. I am a very independently-minded woman. I am telling you, you do not speak for me. I know what I am about. I am fully aware why I do not support and am not supported by feminism. I am not oppressed by my husband’s headship. It takes a willful letting-go in order to submit, and I do, to God and my husband. You cannot give what you do not have. I am my own woman, and I give myself to my God and my husband. I give myself; no one takes from me.

I am not uninformed, I am not stupid, and I am not oppressed. I believe in equal human worth before God, and I am grateful that women have equal rights in this country. Yes, yes we do. No, we have no further to go. We’ve already gone too far.